| The one thing they love more than a hero, is to see a hero fail, fall, die trying.... |
[17 Jun 2009|04:09pm] |
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 depressed |
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Back to the future - you're alive |
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I'm pretty sure the point is frivolous now.
There's no point in fighting. There's no reason to keep the faith. There's nothing I haven't tried. I've asked. I've begged. I've pleaded. I've sat quietly. I've guilt tripped. I've tried to change. I've tried to overcome. I've tried to understand. I've tried to put up with it. I've tried to suck it up and live with it.
All good things, must.........
... and do eventually.
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| It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you, with out a dose of Jow to step to.... |
[13 May 2009|09:31am] |
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Eminem - We made you |
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Hello boys............(and girls).............I'm baaaaaaaaaa-ckkkkkkkkkkkk!
Wow, so, the last update was in November. It's now May of the next year. My bad. I've left people in suspense as to what happened to emo Jow and the love that he lost.
Well guess what? He won her back.
:-D
And for the first time in my life, I can honestly say, I'm happy. It worked out just like in the movies where the good guy got the girl he was after. I just hope my life doesn't switch gears into sequel mode and have shit hit the fan. So ok, me and Alijah are back together. I know what you're thinking;
"Wow, cuz we all didn't see that one coming. And in a couple weeks you'll break up again, and then a week later get back together again and so on and so forth..."
Ennnnnnngh. Wrong. Not this time. We haven't had a single fight since November. That must be some kind of a record Mr. Slinky. We're incredibly happy, and I enjoy appreciating her. I didn't before, but I've changed. People rarley change, and if they do, it's for the worse. I'm proud enough to say, I have. And it's payed off wonderfully.
Let's see what else has happened, I got re-hired by Alden HD to work for ESPN Classic. It's ok. Steady job with good pay, although I don't always get my checks on time, but I'm handling it like an adult and planning ahead. I'm currently saving up for my "big-time" camera so that I can get back to work on my own projects. I'm saving up for a Panasonic HVX200a. It's about a $2000 package and I have bills out the wazoo so it's taking me some time to get up the money right and a lot of sacrifices (less trips to Best Buy and not as much chinese food.) lol.
But this is a badass camera that will help me get some projects taken seriously. If you're curious about what it looks like, here's a example....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRzyUmoQ19s
It ain't no 35mm, but for my current budget, it rocks.
As far as friends go, I've given up trying to play Superman and "save" people who don't want to be saved. I'm doing something I don't normally do, biting my tongue. I'm letting people do what they wanna do. Drinking, drugs, treating women.....well, just not how I treat alijah, or girls who are friends in general. We'll leave it like that. And when shit hits the fan for them, I won't shed a tear and I won't do a thing to stop it or help them unless they ask me to. It's a shame that it's come to that, but I've pretty much deducted that most of them wouldn't do the things for me that I would do for them. I'm not saying they're bad guys, far from it. Some of the best that I know. But in the end, I'm not like them. Is it the non-drinking, the chrisitan upbringing, the karate philosophy, the gullible belief of moral supremecy from buying into movie rhetoric? A combination of them all that leads the me holding impossible standards for people? Most likely. But I've set aside helping people blindly. As much as I want to help my friends, I can't. They don't trust me. And maybe it's because of their own egos, or maybe it's because of mine. Either way, I need to focus on myself right now. The stress of dealing with other people's problems would crush me. I have to take care of myself, my bills, my dreams, and my girl. That's all my priority right now. I love my guy friends, but there's bigger fish to fry. --- hopefully none of them take offense to this, it wasn't meant to be.
So while we're on the subject of fixing things, I'm doing what I can to better myself. I've been reading up a lot on Hwang Kee, the founder of Tang Soo Do, the style of martial arts that I practice. We don't really go that much into the history and philosophy of the style and in preparation of a possible Master Belt invitational letter that *may* come one day, I decided to explore. What I found rocked my world from all over. From belt colors, to philosophy on tournaments, personal challenges for someone to set for themselves. Everything has just changed my whole outlook on the style from now on. One of the biggest things I'm taking under my belt is the impossibility of perfection. And how not to judge others because you yourself have things to over come. Which explains not only the paragraph above, but my reluctance to participate in tournaments anymore. I'm focusing more on me and maybe through humble example I can inspire others to follow in their own personal journies, rather than set demands for them to meet in my own approval. It just seems to be a better aproach to helping people and relieving a load of stress from my own back. Problem with this is, America is the land of competition. Now I'm not knocking baseball, football or professional sports. But martial arts is supposed to be a way of life. Almost like a religion. And we all know what happens when religions enter into competition with one another.
What else what else.....oh, I gave up coca cola for 4 months. Yes, i made a new years resolution to give it up but have since relapsed. Now while people can say "i knew u were gonna" I give myself a lot of credit. How many people do you know keep a new years resolution for 4 days let alone 4 months?
Um, so what else, what else....
idk, I guess I'll update again when I think of something lol.
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| I love her |
[02 Nov 2008|03:47pm] |
I went to bed thinking about a lot of stuff last night. Just trying to get my head right. Everyone told me to get over her. She did these things to you. There's plenty of other fish in the sea. I see everyone else dating around and I get the idea in my head that that's what I'm supposed to do too. People tell me she wasn't that nice. She wasn't that pretty. She was to me. I've been "interested" if you could call it that, in several girls in the past couple months. And no one, no one has measured up with her. Hell, a couple of them are still chasing after me. Do I check their away messages? Do I answer their messages on Facebook? Did I ever feel anything like I did with her. There's a two letter answer that you can have for that one. Were any of them willing to put up with Jow and the way he was? Not a one of them. One of them litterally told him that they were in love with him because he spent money on them and refused to let them pay for anything. One of them told him they could "learn to deal with the fact" that he's a nutcase for Batman.
Not her. She just loved me for me. And I know it didn't seem like I tried to keep us together all that time, but there's no reason in the world I would have wanted to split up. I had that time where I thought we needed to measure our relationship by what we felt to each other compared to the rest of people we dated. But she talked me out of it. And yes, at that time I was resentful and wanted to see if there were other girls out there. But the more I look back on it, it's because I was listening to so many other people and thinking I was "supposed to." I never stopped and listened to myself. I never asked myself if I was happy. I never thought about things like that. And sure, people would respond to that, "How would you know if you never tried anyone else?" Right now, I'd answer them with "If I feel like I'm happy, then why do I need to?"
And yes, there was always rough times. Everyone is going to have rough times. It's just until you find the person that you don't want to give up on that you know it's the one you love more than anything. I've been in "cahoots" with a couple girls. And they screw up. And I send them packing. Not her though. 5 + years and all those times. But I gave her chance after chance after chance. But there's just something about her that always makes me go back. And people would say it's just because I don't want to let go. And you know what? They're right. I mean, what was so bad about her? She wanted to spend time with me all the time? She got a little jealous when other girls would flirt with me? That's not bad things. That shows that she cared about me. And I let other people dictate how I felt about her. But when we're seperated like this, people make jokes about "how long it'll take till I get back with her." The only problem was I was the one always calling it quits with her. And then i would run back to her. She had me hooked on an elastic band. And now, in the last year of college for me and the first for her, we went through a rough time. She's experimenting and living her life. And I was realizing completley who I was. Looking back, I didn't want her to change. But I've changed too. I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. If I did, I'd still be with one of these bitches I've dated. The most she ever wanted to change about me was my eyebrows (which seems to be a common desire of girls interested in me.)
But I didn't break up with her this time. She broke up with me. And I felt like that day I could be ok with her not being with me and seeing other people. And that we could be friends. And that I could hold back from kissing her and hugging her and holding her in my arms. And no sooner than that night was I more angry than you could ever believe. I am a man of my word. If Andy says he's gonna do something, you can bet your high dollar he's gonna do everything he can to get it done. Especially if other people are dependng on him. So when I told her she had my full trust again. That there were no secrets. No doubt. Nothing to worry about, I meant it. And she told me the same. So when she told me she couldn't do that again, i felt like she had led me on for a couple months. She lied to me again. She betrayed me. I didn't know how to feel. So I did the easiest thing I could. I got angry. And the more I think about it, even now, I get angrier.
But the past couple months, I'm on dates and all this stuff and I go places and look in my passenger seat. I see some girl I just met. She's pretty. But she's not her. I expect to look next to me and see her smile. But it's some one elses smile. And it's nothing to me. Girl after girl. Nothing. I don't want this. I don't. But it's not up to me. It's up to her. All those times that I walked away from her, I was always the one who walked back. And she hasn't. I see the away messages, the LJ updates. I wonder if they're about me. I get the impression they are. And finally I call her out on it. And ask her what she wants from me. And she can't answer it. I made a fool out of myself thinking they were about me. Maybe they still were, but I don't know. I blame myself. I wasn't always the best of boy friends. I took her for granted. Maybe I didn't do enough to make her feel special. Hell forget the maybe. I just didn't. I told myself, put everything that's financially important first. When you get home from college, she'll be there and you can start being that good boyfriend you always told yourself you'd be. Well....I waited too long. And now idk what she's doing with her life.
It's been killing me, not being able to hug her. To kiss her. Look her in the eyes and tell her I love her. I know she would love to be just friends with me again. But I just can't do it. It's hard enough when I see her. Hear her voice. Think about her. And she's not my girl. I love this girl. And I don't mean 'high school' I love you = i love you too. I mean I am in love with her.
I know she'll prolly read this. Or maybe i'm still making a fool of myself again. Idk. Idc. I'm glad to get this off my chest. Hell, if you only knew my chest feels when I see her. It's like Darth Vader holds his hand out and uses the force to put up in invisible brick wall to keep me from moving. I talked to Evil. And he knows what I mean with that "feeling for the one you can't have." But I know that there's no one else in the world that I want. Hell, me, God and evil know that for a fact.
There's an old saying, "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Yeah?
Try it.
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[02 Nov 2008|12:11am] |
Cory: Oh it's Shawn right? Just because you broke up with Shawn, we can't be friends.
Angela: I didn't break up with Shawn. He broke up with me.
Cory: Wait a minute, he thinks it's mutual.
Angela: That's what I want him to think.
Cory: Why didn't you just tell him that you don't want to break up with him?
Angela: That's everyone's dream to beg someone to stay with them. Look he needs his space, he wants to meet new people.
Cory: No, no. You know he's never gonna find anyone as good as you.
Angela: Maybe he's right. Maybe we've known each other too long and it's just time to meet new people...
Cory: Shut up.Just shut up. You couldn't be more wrong. Friendship is what's gonna get us through all this.
Angela: You just don't get it do you? It's hard enough to go to the same school with him. Be in the same class with him. How do you expect me to be friends with him and not think about him? I don't want him to stop looking for who he is because he feels sorry for me.
Cory: Can I talk about it with Topanga?
Angela: Topanga doesn't know.
BOY MEETS WORLD
I'll wait till x-mas, then i give up hope...forever
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| I'm swearing off women, I swear to God (hopefully God isn't a women cuz then I'm screwed) |
[30 Oct 2008|03:54pm] |
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music |
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Batman Begins - Train Fight |
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I fall head over heels in love with this girl for most of my life, go through 4 of the hardest years of my life being a faithfull doing what i can-bf fighting not to lose the person i fell in love with fall in college to the same vices I saw all my friends fall to, come back and get shot down and left flat out cold. I felt betrayed, lied to, and heart broken. The one thing I told her not to do, was to break my heart again and she did it anyway.
Then at the urging of my friends, I just let it go. I pined over it, moped, whatever. Convinced that my friends could help me get through it. But they can't always be there. And they aren't. Not always by their own choices (but sometimes it is) but they can't.
So I take the advice of some other friends and "get back out there." Which results to internet dating. Something I ain't ever doing again.
I thought I found a girl who doesn't drink, had good morals, and things in common with.
Little did I know she was a crazy boozing, pot smoking, irrational drama queen who went as far as to make a list of pros and cons about me and what i needed to change about myself. Which included (not sure how) the fact that I can't drink, that i'm against the use or condolence of drugs, that i dislike fuzzy boots, that ONE of my friends "supposedly" doesn't like "ONE" of her friends so I should stop seeing MY FRIEND, that I need to "stop making such a big deal about sex and do it." More trivial nonsense continued on the list, in addition to her yelling at me because i was running 3 days off of 12 hours of sleep total and I wanted to go to bed (so I did) and she wanted me to stay up and "resolve the way I talk about her clothing choices"......aka She wanted me to lie and say that I liked fuzzy boots. And then flipped out on me when i went to sleep instead. Like my health/job are secondary for my liking of fuzzy boots.
Needless to say that by noon today I was single again.
I just give up. My love life is a lose-lose situation. Girls I love, I can't seem to trust to give my heart. Girls I can trust, I can't seem to fall in love with.
w/e I'm just gonna go crazy finally, pretend I'm Batman and die alone in a cave or some shyt.
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| You start with the hardest thing.... |
[30 Oct 2008|10:44am] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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"How's mary jane?"
"I don't know..."
"I never heard from you. Did you ever propose?
"You said a husbands gotta put his wife before himself. I'm not ready..."
"What happened? You seemed so sure?"
"Yeah....I hurt her aunt may. I don't know what to do."
"You can start by doing the hardest thing. You forgive yourself. I believe in you peter. You're a good person. I know you'll find a way to make it right.....in time."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wILtVTuDio8
"Do you want to push me away?"
"Why would I want to push you away? I love you."
"We've all done terrible things to each other, but we have to forgive each other, or everything we ever were will mean nothing."
"What's happened to you?"
"I don't know. But I have to stop it. I need your help."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqXsOiGirAY
And I thought BMW was a mirror for my life.
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[29 Oct 2008|03:03pm] |
Henry: Hi Peter.
Peter: Hey Henry. Geez your getting tall.
Henry: Peter?
Peter: Yeah?
Henry: You take Spider-man's picture's right?
Peter: I used to.
Henry: Where is he?
Peter: He quit.....wanted to try other things.
Henry: But he'll be back right?
Peter: I don't know.
(Henry leaves)
Aunt May: You'll never guess who he want's to be..."Spider-man."
Peter: Why?
Aunt May: He knows a hero when he sees one. Too few characters out there, flying around like that, saving old girls like me. And Lord knows, kids like Henry need a hero. Courageous, self-sacrificing people. Setting examples for all of us. Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names. And years later, they'll tell how they stood in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of the one who taught them how to hold on a second longer. I believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams. Spider-man did that Henry. He wonders where he's gone. He needs him....
SPIDER-MAN 2
The more and more I let this go on, the more I feel like I'm taking the easy way out. Giving up the thing I want the most.
Right now I feel like I fell off the bus and sprained my ankle....
ugh.......i don't know anymore, i really don't.......
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[18 Sep 2008|10:58am] |
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Air One Radio |
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So this morning, I woke up from a dream that wasn't as crazy as they usually are from me. And well, it was just a "moment" dream.
I'm on a plane, wrapped in a white blanket and sleeping, and Alijah is sitting next to me and she puts her hand on mine. And I pulled it away as I rolled over while sleeping and she just smiles at me. This is what the internet says about it;
Ex-girlfriend : Any feelings or hopes still connected with her; the ex-girlfriend or lover often becomes a symbol for all the hopes for love that are not being satisfied at the moment, or in the present relationship; occasionally the past.
Hands - Your deeds, outer creativeness and power in the material world. What you do outwardly. Thus you can have a helping hand; grasping, wringing, heavy. Also, self expression, your grasp - of life, of ideas, of opportunities; your hold on - people, your children; situations. Extension of your power - to give, take, wound, heal, support or do.
AEROPLANE/AIRCRAFT/AIRPLANE - The plane in your dream shows all the amazing possibilities of change, of varied experience, of romance, business and discovery in life today. But it also holds all the possibilities of failure, of not being able to get your projects or relationship off the ground, along with delays, unexpected threats, and the possible tragedy and loss you might meet in life. Your dream airplane communicates this in the action your dream portrays. The plane journey, for instance, suggests a change in your life, leaving your ordinary affairs behind. It is a journey into the unknown, into taking risks. Perhaps you are making a move toward, or away from, love and opportunity. It is risky because the plane can fall from the sky, and you can meet feelings of failure or despair. The plane is also a means of leaving things behind, rising above or finding a way of escaping difficulties or the past. It is a way we move beyond the limitations of any one locality, racial customs, family attitudes or religious environments. It is the power of the mind to move among and learn from or experience these many states of being. It offers a much wider or more inclusive view of where you are and where you are going in life. SLEEP To dream of being asleep, is to be unaware of something. It is literally saying there is something you are asleep to, something you are not aware of.
Wrapped in blanket: Slightly withdrawn or vulnerable; relaxed or passive; self comfort; feeling cold - lacking warmth; feeling injured, infirm or weak; hiding ones feelings or vulnerability.
WHITE This often refers to greater awareness, to clearness of mind and purity. It also may suggest cleanness or light feelings. Sometimes white is felt as very threatening in a dream. This may link with memories of white painted hospital wards, or bed sheets. Maggots, mould, dead or sick people and shrouds can also be white, so white can depict death or sickness.
Idk......i really don't.
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| It's my birfday....... |
[14 Jul 2008|10:29am] |
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Aerosmith - I don't wanna miss a thing |
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It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, you would cry too if you were friends with these guys too……..
And I mean tears of comedy if you’re wondering or couldn’t relate.
So lets get down with it =
It all started Friday evening. I was DEAD tired. I mean it. Like I had no energy to run on and I knew the weekend was going to be busy and tiring. Upon leaving work and getting home, I went straight to my grandpa’s house to mow his back lawn. I would have done the front grass too, but he was watering it when I got there. I thought it would be a quick task but he seemed kind of lonely and bored so I hung there for a bit and just shot the breeze with him. I love my grandpa more than anything and so I sacrificed getting some relax time and picking up a slushie for Eric for my grandpa. Grandpa > everything. Yes Eric, even sleep.
Anywho, after that I went to karate – my body still sore from the week of work and a prior intense karate workout. Not to mention that whole “lack of sleep” thing killing me. I went and man, o, man was my game off. I couldn’t throw a spinning back kick to save my life.
After that I went to DQ only to be chastised for not picking up a free 7-11 slushie. To which I was none to in the mood to be joked with about due to lack of energy and sleep. I had cranky pants on. Evil and Lucas were waiting there and of course had 3 hours free where they could have gotten it for him, but nooooooo, pick the busiest friend and make him do it. So we all hop in the car to go to 7-11 and when we get there, Apu tells us that there are no more free slushies. Apparently there were super small cheapass cups that were for the promotion and they were all gone by that time, so I most likely wouldn’t have gotten one anyway had I even had the opportunity to go earlier. Regardless, we returned to DQ for a bit, hit up Wendy’s, met up with DTM and Buddy and then to my back deck to play poker. I don’t even remember who won to be honest. I got pretty tired and ready to go to bed.
The next morning I woke around 10-ish and did my normal routine – aka watching all the trailers and TV spots for TDK. A little while later, me, evil and eric d played some Goldeneye to which I was pwned. I haven’t played that game in forever.
We met up with Mark and then ventured out to the good ol’ mall. We got some cigars and eric spent a ridiculous amount of money on a Tampa Bay ray’s ballcap. It makes him look like he’s 12. No really, I mean it. When we went to get cigars, he got carded. Ahahahahahaha.
Next, we went to Outback steakhouse. It was zamazing. Bloomin onion’, a New York strip and then the Sidney’s Sinful Sundae without the nuts. MmmmmmMMMMMMM – hot damn.
That slowed the hell out of me though. I had that “itus”. Haha. So we headed down to the beach for a little bit. That proved to be just a time killer, not really anything all that exciting happened there.
6 o’clock hits and now it’s time to venture to Rhode Island for Dave and Busters. Man……lol. DTM gets off work and we head out, going through Eric’s various mixed CD’s, listening to good music from all over the place. But the high light of the day came from a traffic jam. You’re prolly thinking “oh man, an overturned 18 wheeler!” No sir, no ma’am. This came from Da Crew car jamming next to a SUV with two beautiful young ladies in the front seat laughing and jamming with us. Sadly, you can’t make everyone happy and their boyfriends in the back seat were getting quite pissed lol. So much so that one of them was leaning out the window screaming something, although we couldn’t hear him because who cares what he’s saying when ur rocking out to Aerosmith’s “I Don’t wanna miss a thing” and making beautiful ladies laugh. The rest of the show consisted of Ace of Base and other such 90’s hits (Backstreet boys, “Ya had a bad day” song, etc etc).
Once traffic passed we were off on our way again to Dave and Busters. And when we got there…….man what a cool place. A arcade for grown ups. Yes, you can drink. And although quite a few people were carrying around booze it wasn’t concentrated and the place was well ventilated so it didn’t bother me at all. The only anti-part of the night is when 2 insanely hot girls came up to talk to us. They were promoting Bud light so obviously they didn’t care about us, but flirting is their job. I don’t care what any of you say, even though I had one decent witty remark, it’s hard to flirt back without being able to drink. Some people keep thinking I’m on a quest to find my one true love (and not that I’m not but) I would like to be able to have fun around hot girls like that. And 99.9 times out of 100 those girls drink. I seriously need to find me a young lady who don’t drink cuz otherwise I’m screwed. But I digress….There was a very cool trivia game you could play that I sucked at. But I’m one of those people who needs to find a groove before I start playing well. Problem is that when there’s a bunch of people standing behind you waiting to play, you feel like a selfish ass for not getting up and letting someone else have some fun on it.
The one draw back I expected more from it was the prize area. You’d think it’d be better than little plastic dinosaurs and yo-yo’s but no. Krippty crap crap…..unless you have 400,000 tickets for which you can trade in for a blu-ray player. Lol.
And that was the end of our journey to Rhode Island. I would like to go back there again though to check out the massive mall they have and just chillax there for a bit. We really didn’t get to see much aside from D&B and the amazingly futuristic hand dryers they had in the bathroom.
So we headed home and then the next day, evil and myself ventured into NYC. Awww shizzle son. We started out going to Times Sq. which I don’t think Evil cared much for. He’s not the commercial whore that I am. I honestly expected to see a shizzle load of TDK shwag given it’s the week of release. But nope. Not even in Midtown comics. Booooo.
Then we hopped on the subway and headed towards the Met. It was zamazing. They had a Superhero exhibition up, but it was all fashion related crap. “Interpretations of super hero costumes.” …….Spare me. The bright side was that they had actual costumes from the movies. And while those themselves are “interpretations” of the actual suits, they were a hell of a lot closer to the source material than the wonder woman outfit with a fire red wig and coca cola cans in the hair. I know, I know….Jow’s ignorant and doesn’t get fashion. That’s goddamn right. I don’t need to express anything artistic with what I wear. Sorry. Just not me. I’m a commercial guy and that’s what I enjoy. Especially walking around NYC all day with a Heath-Joker tee-shirt and having dozens of people stop me and comment on it. WB should really pa me commission lol .
And so we wrapped things up with Central Park for a bit, then to Grand Central and I got some Chinese food for the ride back.
All in all, I had the most fun this weekend than I have in a good long while. So thank you guys.
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| almost forgot - |
[08 Jul 2008|09:16pm] |
Since before the last dramatic entries
I've re-written Indom twice, graduated college, got a job at ESPN, had my heart broken and............yeah. Figured all that was worth a quick mention.
- Jow
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| So what I told you was true, from a certain point of view....... |
[06 Jul 2008|09:30pm] |
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music |
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TDK Soundtrack |
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My last update has been causing quite the stir, as I obviously knew it would. And yet, as always.
Yours truley is the bad guy. I'm sorry, but I cannot apolojize for the way I feel. You may not wish to see it that way, but it's the only way I CAN see it. I know whatever point I'll raise with the whole "look at it my way" will be met with the appropriate counter argument "well what about the way I see it?". Thus resulting in a stalement that only escalates both parties anger. So I won't.
It may be seen as not a thing we do all the time, but alcohol has crept into my life in ways you might not ever notice. And if you truley believe it's not required for some kind of social interaction with my friends, that it's really "not an important factor."
(Paraphrased of course)
Andy: Well we're 21 now. Which means we can reserve sites.
Eric: I can't go 3 days without facebook.
Mark: Yeah, I don't think I'd want to go camping.
Andy: What if I said you could bring beer.
Eric: That's a different story. I'd go then.
Or the trip to Savannah where it was the first and only (at that time before we knew whether or not evil was coming to CT). The first picture of Eric, Eric and Mark together, there's alcohol in the hand. And then we went to Mellow because of happy hour. And then I tried to do something anti-alcohol related. And everyone got bored. So we ended up going back out to the bars.
All the while Andy does what he can too suck up the fact that he feels like he's going to puke because of the sheer smell of it.
Any kind of large social gathering from this point on involves alcohol. Whether it's intended to start that way or not. And every person who promises me they'll keep me company and not be drinking ends up breaking it. Or the people who are drinking severley decide to be the ones who hang around me as I try and escape the concetrated smell that makes me sick. And the smell off their breath just doesn't leave. And on top of that, and this is singling out no one in particular, things get said to Andy which may not have been intended one way or another when said parties are intoxicated. Which is one of the reasons I despise that fucking substance in the first place. People claim they're out of themself when they say things. That thought is up there somewhere. Whether it was conjured up at that moment's notice or if it was rattling around in the back for a while, you're still responsible for everything that's done by you. I accept no excuses when it comes to that.
I did have something else to say, but due to the convo with evil at the moment, my mind tis scatterbrained.
.....to be continued.
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| I'd ask him why....... |
[05 Jul 2008|09:22pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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Shawshank |
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If I ever got the chance to sit down at a table with God and engage in a conversation with him, I'd ask him why.
Why me? Why am I the guy that you surrounded with these people? Why am I the one that was chosen to not be able to drink? Why did you choose to put me with a group of guys who enjoy it and lay the events that would lead me to despise it? Why would you chose me, of all people, to be a good hearted, trustworthy, honorable sincere guy? Why would you put me together with a girl that I would stay faithful to throughout the hardest times of my life and only have her leave me once I get through it? Why would you choose me, of all people, to be that guy who wants so desperately to be like everyone else, and then when I try my best, I put myself out there to face the adversity, knock me out for the count? Why do I have to be the one who no one believes in? Why am I the one who would sacrifice anything to cheer up a friend or a loved one and not have it done in return? Why do I have to be the one with the dreams of inspiring people to be better, only to have myself looked at as stubborn or idealist? Why am I seen as the bad guy? Why am I seen as the complete good guy? Why am I the one left alone in his basement? Why did I have to be the one not out "bangin chicks" and "clubbin" 24/7? Why did I have to be the one who would do anything for his grandpa, that looks up to him as the best mentor he could ever want, only to have him talk about his other grandson all the time? Why did I have to be the one with the crazy cousin in high school? Why did I have to be the one with the sister with disabilities in high school? Why did everyone else choose to use all of that against me? Why was I the guy everyone picked on? Why was....hold that thought.
(goes to pick up evil from party)
"There were a lot of music majors there."
"Well cuz Mark is a music major."
"Well yeah. But there was one thing that draws all of us together, all of us excluding you. Alcohol."
I'm waiting for an answer God.
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[02 Jul 2008|09:15am] |
Yupp, and I didn't even try and cheat it.
Your results:
You are Lex Luthor
| Lex Luthor |
| 89% |
| Dr. Doom |
| 76% |
| Magneto |
| 71% |
| Apocalypse |
| 66% |
| The Joker |
| 62% |
| Venom |
| 57% |
| Mr. Freeze |
| 56% |
| Green Goblin |
| 55% |
| Juggernaut |
| 51% |
| Kingpin |
| 47% |
| Dark Phoenix |
| 45% |
| Riddler |
| 29% |
| Two-Face |
| 27% |
| Mystique |
| 23% |
| Catwoman |
| 20% |
| Poison Ivy |
| 19% |
|
A brilliant businessman on a quest for world domination and the self-proclaimed greatest criminal mind of our time!
 |
Click here to take the Supervillain Personality Quiz
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| Straight Edged Schteeve |
[30 Jun 2008|11:03pm] |
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music |
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Iron Man / TDK - music |
] |
"What is popular is not always right, and what is right, is not always popular."
-Margaret Chase Smith
Ya know, that quote is hanging in every public school known to man. On that big yellow banner above the chalkboard. And I always remember reading it and being like "meh, whatev."
I fucking know what that means now. Well yeah, it's fuckin obvious, obviously. But it "dawned on me". Or as you drunkards like to say "I had a moment of clarity."
Tonight I basically got chewed senseless by all of my friends. Weather it'd be "being my depressing self", advice on how to get girls, or just being the excuse to build themselves up and just continually put me down, at the risk of getting overly quotey, "every man has his breaking point."
I'm just sick and tired of being the guy to put down.
"Andy will die if he drinks."
"Andy will die if he eats an apple."
"Andy will die if he needs to get morphined up."
"Andy is afraid of having sex."
"Andy's dick doesn't work."
"Andy is too desperate for a girlfriend."
Forgive me for having a goddamn medical condition and getting sick from the simple smell of it. Which is why I really don't want to go to bars and house parties.
"You wouldn't have a problem with it if you could drink."
First of all, thats irrelevant, second of all - i prolly would. Still have a problem that is. I'm a pretty idealistic guy, than undeniable. I'm mr. crusade against.........everything. I don't like being out of control of myself, ie - why I've never done drugs. Same reason why I wouldn't have drank.
"But Andy smokes cigars. So there."
Whoop dee friggin dooo. I'm still me when I do that.
"Ok, ok, but you act stupid when you have about 50 cokes. How about that Andy?"
If it came down to it, I can switch that off.
In other words, I'm faking it.
There. Said it.
(Not like that's not gonna come back to haunt me.)
Why would I do shyt like that? "To be like everyone else."
Well I've learned my lesson. It's not easy to be righteous. But somebody has gotta do it. And it's gonna be me.
"Oh great, now Andy is gonna act like he thinks he's better than everyone else. I've seen this before. He'll go for 2 weeks and then it'll be back to the same old shit."
Not this time.
"heard that before too."
but really. Not this time.
"heard that too."
I'm Batman'ing this shyt.
"deja vu."
If I break it this time, I will give away my ticket to TDK.
"........."
Ask to hold on to it as collateral.
"ok, now I'm scared."
Good.
So fuck it.
As the Joker would say........
Good luck keepin up.
- Jow
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| Now that was weird.... |
[04 Apr 2008|10:52am] |
I had a dream last night that a tornado hit the college. (Cept it didn't look like the college).
And I was running around this giant "dormatory" that was like a skyskraper hotel trying to save people. But the tornados kept coming in waves. Like it was that or a like a wave of clouds that came like a title wave.
So at one point me and evil climbed into a bathtub and threw a matress over it. We were facing oppisate ways and he was trying to talk and talk and talk and talk and talk the way he used to when I just woke up. So when I rolled over to yell at him to be quiet, he was dead. And then another tornado/wave thing came and i got sucked out of the bathtub and held onto the mattress. I rode it like a surfboard and landed above a parking garage. Here, I found evil arguing with a buisness man about how he had to add more levels onto the parking structure to save the world and the buisnessman screamed that evil was a hack and was wrong and then pushed Evil off a building. So another wave was coming and the buisnessman was gonna make a run for it. Fuck dat. I grabbed that mofo in a collar grab and turned and watched the title wave coming at us.
It crashed on us, and then I woke up.
Yep......another weird ass Jow dream.
- Jow
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| So what's your point Mr. Flass? |
[08 Feb 2008|11:54pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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Begins Music |
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So it's been a while, I shouldn't have left your, without a dope beat (update) to step to (read).
lol
So I'm in a weird mood this evening. Could be the 9 cokes I've had (10 counting the one i'm drinking now).
So lets get it started, shall we?
THE MOTHERFUGGIN GIANTS WON THE SUPERBOWL!
Wu-Tang! Steve Holt! Whaaaaat!? Yeeeeeeeah!
Now I must be honest. I lost faith in my G-men along the way. So much that I didn't even bother watching the end of the season or the play offs. It happens every year and then we blow it. Well shyt, I was corrected this year. I apolojize to my fellow Giant fans, and although it may seem like I'm a fair weather fan, the Giants are always my team. And when the game was on and they had made it that far, my faith was re-envigorated. Even before they won (believe me, the stiffly stiffersons I was with can attest to my passion for NY.) I never lost faith for a single moment during the game. Even when Tom Brady went all "Tom Brady" on us in the 4th. And when they won (yes I mean when they won and there was still 1second to go) i ran around building 4000 screaming bloody murder, pissing off some Patriots fans in the process. It was almost like i was 5 minutes away from the midnight showing of TDK..........almost. lol
Speaking of which, Heath Ledger died. Which I don't even know that man personally, but I emotionally took a hit. When I heard that it was like a punch to my stomach. I couldn't believe it. As a fan of his interpretation of the character (cuz you all know how emotionally invested I get when it comes to Batman) I really felt sick when I heard he died. I felt even worse when I heard that the media was saying he overdosed on cocaine and shyt. They were fucking lying. And that "Access Hollywood" 'videotape' was bullshit. I've seen the full tape of it and Heath is NOT doing drugs. It's been altered to look like was by some trick editing. Now normally I'd say that I wished those people ill will for spitting on a man's grave from a tragic death, but that curse from me is reserved for Fred Phelps. AKA the guy who brings a bad name to Baptists (my religion mind you) and wanted to protest Heath's funeral and say he was in hell because he was in Brokeback Mountain. The worst part about it is, he's not even doing it out of religious ignorance. He and his "church" are actually civil suit lawyers and do this kind of shyt in hopes that someone will hit them so they can sue them. I can almost respect and understand religious ignorance, but this is downright dispicable greed. Fuck them.
So I've officially registered for classes at SCAD for the last time in my life. It's scary. It really is. Knowing that after this.....life changes hardcore. And when I say hardcore, i mean, hard to the core. Like it's gonna be tough when I get out of here. Everyone thinks they're a Hollywood-worthy writer. Which means they've paved a bumpy twist and turns to dead end roads for me to go down and pay about 600 toll booths with people who have seen this shyt before. Yay. What a great passion God decided to give me. It's gonna be a tough life for me. I know that much. I just hope it pays off. The only thing about me and alot of other people in this buisness is. My passion is not for the fame, or the money (though it'll be nice to pay off bills). But simply, because I like to tell stories that people enjoy. I like to make people laugh. I like to make people inspired. I like to scare people. I like putting people on the edge of their seat. Which in Hollywood means jack shyt if u don't know the right people. But.....fingers crossed. People seem to like my stuff so far (when they actually read it.)
Which I hope is honestly not just people being fake and telling me what they think I want to hear. I want honest feedback. Thats the truth. If they read the first 15 pages and tell me with full honesty, "it just doesn't interest me" then I'm cool. But 15 pages is all I ask.
My relationship status is crazy limbo. Up, down, side to side, topsy turvey. Idk what the hell is going on anymore. From mixed signals from girls, to just them being flirts, to falling for lesbians (we won't go there).....it's just way to much. I think I'm just gonna step back for a while.
Women are fucking nuts.
So I guess thats signifigant enough for now.
Lter all.
- Jow
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| Jow Time Update |
[20 Jan 2008|11:05pm] |
|
So.....
:D
What?
I smiled. I know it's a new thing for me. It's just......well, it's nice to know people want to hang out with me rather than my "usual" crowd of either:
Da Crew
Evil & Company
Joker/Rainwater
Buddy
I love these guys to death. I really do. Like I would go to the end of the earth to save them if I had to. I'd jump in front of a machine gun firing of bullets to save them.
But it's nice to know that other people would enjoy my company too.
For example: Today Luz took me to Panera bread for the first time. We and a couple other people had a fun-ol-time and chatted about a many things (although I may have gone overboard spilling my guts about the ex-gf. I had a lot on my mind that I had to get off, but It's just a gut feeling I have. I may be over-thinking about it)
And then me and my friend Jen went to go see "Juno". It was kinda draggy, but I enjoyed it. It was a good time and I'm glad I have someone willing to go with me to the movies instead of just venturing out by my lonesome now-a-days. I just hope I was able to be a good friend and help her get her mind off things as I know she's having a tough time dealing with some guy who broke her heart and feels like playing basketball with it now.
But still, I'm glad I have people that want to chill with me. I just hope I don't scare them away once they get to know me and I come out of my "shell".
In other news, my script --- from those GREAT FRIENDS WHO READ IT ---- seems to be getting a fairly well reaction. Which is a good thing. Nobody said they were bored.........yet.
So we'll wait and see.
That's about it for now.
- Jow
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| I feel a change in the winds, says I..... |
[16 Jan 2008|04:54pm] |
It's cold. It's raining. I'm hungry w/ no food. The post office damaged my Joker poster and won't give me money for it.
and out from nowhere, a smile came onto my face.
It wasn't much, but there was something there.
and we'll see what comes about of it. The balence of the crew may get another weight on the scale.....
....not jumping to conclusions, but don't ruling them out either....
Stay Tuned.....
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| Who's dat lady....? |
[12 Jan 2008|10:30pm] |
She's funny. She's fun. I like being around her. She makes me smile. I don't upset her.
Come on God......big money, big money, big money........no whammies, no whammies, no whammies......
stay tuned (hopefully)
- Jow
*****UPDATE******
*sigh = Nevermind this all. Just the hopes and dreams of a loser.
: /
Facebook stalking sucks.
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